Life without regret
I am sitting here now in my apartment. Cleaning it up and packing things up to move back to Connecticut to be with my Family once again.. Thinking of my past, when growing up was wonderful.. All the Memories and traditions of a Christmas season.. The laughter and joy that I had with my entire family.. The warmth and the love that we all received from the most wonderful parents that three kids could ever have.. Hay rides to go chop down our Christmas Tree for that year.. The Hot chocolate and cookies that Mom always had for us on the very cold ride there.. Many years I would have to watch my Dad chop down the tree but, there was a day that he allowed me to do it.. I was very excited.. But… in that excitement, He took my hand and guided me along so, I would not hurt myself..
Again, on one faithful and Thankful.. Thanksgiving that Dad Graciously stepped aside and let me carve the turkey and, again took my Hand and guided me along.. There are so many memories stored up.. Every Christmas Morning I would wake up to the awesome smells of my Mom cooking the Cinnamon Rolls , then we would all gather around the tree that was lit so bright and beautiful. The Tree was placed up just after Thanksgiving. Christmas music playing in the background. I would always love to get carried away with the tinsel… Putting too much of it up.. My Dad would go nuts over that fact.. Mom would always calm everyone down with grace and love..
Every Year we would choice who Santa would be and hand out all the gifts. Everyone got one gift at a time and we would all watch each other open our gifts one at a time.. Loved that.. Felt like Christmas lasted forever..
There were so many memories.. "The Mental Photo’s".. We laughed a lot. I can remember watching Mr. Bean with my Mom.. Just the 2 of us.. And every time. No matter how many times we have seen the same movie.. She would laugh so hard that she would be in tears. It was contagious . I would be on the floor laughing with her.. We loved to tease each other a lot… Mom hated heights. Every time we would go over a bridge.. She would lean into the center of the car. LOL So, just to help her out.. we all would, count down … OK.. I..2..3 Lean in.. just trying to show our support. Hehehe.
We took a family trip to Montréal one year.. We stayed at the Marriott with the Restaurant on top that would spin around.. We stayed in on the 17th floor, needless to say.. Mom was not happy we were there. My sister and I sat in seats that to our amazement had wheels on them.. I looked at my sister and literally sprung into action.. Right towards the balcony window.. My sister followed suite .. My Mom screamed so load… Well, I guess Karma was alive and well back then to in the late 70's..
On our way home.. It was raining Cats and dogs. I know.. Cats and Dogs? Bare with me.. My Dad hit a pot hole.. And the hub cap came flying off and went into an off road ditch.. My Dad gets out, looks over the situation and Bello’s.. “Eddie“!!! I get out and it was full of mud.. I thought he would say.. Oh well, have to buy a new one.. Oh.. Noooo.. Suddenly. “Eddie.. Go get it“.. I looked at him as if he was from another world.. I was not getting out of this one.. I slowly go and fetch the hub cap, and .. Yeah you guessed it. I sunk about 4 feet in. and it was up to my hips.. They sat there and laughed.. Mom was even laughing at me.. I was so mad.. I had it coming. Now some of you know the reason why I am like this .. LOL
I went to camp in Maine when I was a kid. I think the only reason I was there, was to be out of my parents hair once a year and, but then, they had an excuse to go and get lobster with there best friends every year.. It was parents/ Family day one year. And my Mom wanted to go out on the row boat with me.. So we did. My Dad and their Friends stay on shore.. I was rowing. And we were about an half hour out there and my Mom said.. “I want to row“.. So, we proceeded to change places and suddenly the boat doe’s a 180.. We were in the water.. With me saying.. Oh Mom!!! Everything sunk... Boat and all except, my moms purse.. That floated the whole time.. And a crowd gathered on shore, concerned about us!! but.. Not my Dad and my Parents friends.. They turned around and walked the other way laughing their heads off. Oh yes.. The Mental Photo’s that we hold in our hearts. They will never go away..
Watching my Mom and Dad as I grew up, and seeing myself now is like looking into a mirror. I find myself doing everything they have, saying everything they did …
Everyday as I grew up, My Mom and Dad were my strength and encouragement…. Gave me a voice to speak out against tyranny and wrong doing. Also, to stand in and up for all those that could not stand for themselves. To give a voice to those that could not speak.. Help those that needed my help even if they could not ask..
“There is danger in being silent son“, My Dad would say, in “time of mislead spirits… Be not afraid my son, tell all the truth of a better way“… If I was in a bad place in life, He would say, “Hang in there son, This too shall pass.. Have Patience for it is a virtue“. Every time I would walk out the door.. That is what I would hear…
There is Danger in being silent in the face of a cultural that is passive and evil. To say nothing about a country and church culture that has clearly drifted away from God. God expects us to MAN UP and, spread the truth, the Love and the word of God to every living soul....
As we clear out the past to prepare for the future we can not help but, be taken back by a day long ago when life was different. People die, relationships end and they also begin. The closed door always opens a bigger door. The opening may not appear right away but, when it does.. A sense of well-being sets in.. Life and sight seem to be much clearer. Embrace change- even if it feels bad- know that it will pass and, you truly will emerge stronger and more seasoned with great wisdom. Your character will be defined and the experience will simply be a short chapter in the book of your life. But, then only to be set up for another Chapter written..
I don't care how old you are- surprises and change are forever around the corner. Don't fear it, as it truly does all work out in some fashion- and you will find peace if you are open to being positive and always asking for more faith - As I believe I need to hear it over and over again because, it never get old with me. Again, my Dad frequently said - "This too shall pass". I’m here to tell you that.. Indeed.. it will.
I miss my Mom a great deal. She was my best friend that I could always go to if I needed help, love or a creative thought.. I have a Great void in my life now.. I don’t have that safety in her arms anymore and it is killing me.. For about 8 months now after her passing to go home to Jesus. I have struggled. Many times feeling alone, walking away from a God that never has or will walk away from me.. I had friends that I thought I had… leave me. Christians that were accountable to me and, I was to them… left me!.. When I needed them most. They knew how to take but, would never give back, no matter how much I was hurting..
Christmas was my Moms.. She loved Christmas.. It will never be the same.. I had a friend just tell me after she was trying to comfort me with tough love.. “Now that I've hit a nerve and probably depressed you even more, listen to this. There is a way out of this feeling. And, no, it won't happen in an instant. The way out is to create NEW experiences while incorporating the good memories and traditions you hold so dear“.
That’s what my Mom would have wanted me to do. That I need to wake up, stand up and and go out to do all the things in life that I was taught to do. There is a reason and purpose for me and everything in life.. And I now need to Man up and carry on.. And always know.. I am not alone.. She may not be seen.. The ship that she is on, had gone beyond the horizon, I may not see her now, But then again.. now, it is seen by many more on the other side that are saying... there she is... here she comes.. I will be with her once again.. But, I have more to do here in this short time..
So.. I will see you soon Mommy.. And we will catch up and laugh together of all the times that we thought were so hard.. I Love you Mom!!! A million kiss’ and a Million Hug’s to you~~~~ From The son of Jeanne and Arthur~~~
